The Bat

RECORD

Name: Thomas Aldine
Alias: ['God', 'The Bat', 'The Dave', 'The Hunter', 'The President', 'The Rabbit King', and 80,853 unknown...]
Classification: Artificial Organic Computer
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Biological Age: Est. 45 Earth Years
Chronological Age: 6,431,780,348 Earth Years
SCAN Rank: | F F
           | F F
TIIN Rank: | F F
           | F F
Reviewer Rank: 1 stars
Organizations: 
  - The Corporation
  - The Resistance
Occupations:
  - Imposter
Variables:
  $CAPABILITY: -0.95 | # Totally ineffective.

TRIGGER

Baseball.

ECO

A liar in sheep’s clothing.

ECHO

There are eight ways to solve every problem

And maybe one or two are good

There are five that look much more appealing than

Than the one you should

— from Toehider - “Bats Aren’t Birds”

PREDICTION

The Bat will be awakened on October 31, 2021.